The Office Cleaner Who Married My Boss

             I nursed a strong feeling that if I left Nigeria for the white man's land, a charming man  would cross my path. The Nigerian man had played me way too many times or maybe I just didn't understand his interpretation of love? No, he was the problem; saying things he didn't mean, leading me on and bowing out of the relationship just when  he knew a ring on my finger could have done it for me. Perhaps the English man would love me differently. I had read in romance novels of the kind of love brewed in England, the near perfect kind. What many Nigerian ladies sought in odd places, ending up in the hands of these lying-cheating-bastards, was in England. When my cousin  of a wetblanket said, "these white folks kill their spouses," I replied, "Not Nigerian spouses!"
            I will never forget Claire's face at the mention  of my migration musings. She narrowed her eyes in a mocking fashion. Was she for it or against it? She didn't say but grinned and said, "Nigerians are better." I thought that was a dumb feedback to get from a white boss. And by the way, what did she know about Nigerian men? She was only posted to the Lagos office from London a little over eight months ago.

There were two male cleaners stationed at my office block and one ducked each time he walked past my desk. He came across as one of those very respectful, timid cleaners. I was buried in my backlog of paperwork and then I heard, "Well done Ma. Here's something small for you Ma," the cleaner said and hurriedly dropped on my desk, a small box wrapped in red shimmery sheet.

"Ah! Thank you but what is this about?"

"Happy Valentine's day Ma," he replied .

"Are you serious? What's your name?"

"Fidelis," he said timidly while taking steps backwards out of the door.

I waited till I got home to open the gift. It contained two packets of Indomie Noodles. I saw a cheap looking pair of earrings on the rug and realized it must have fallen out while I unwrapped the gift. I shook my head from side to side saying, "So this is how much I have suffered that a cleaner was now wooing me at thirty five years old?" I marvelled at this cleaner boy's guts as I gathered the items into a plastic bag.
             The next day, I arrived earlier than usual to the office.  I was still fuming from yesterday. I switched on my computer monitor and leaned back into my swivel chair. While my system was booting, I scribbled down a to-do list on a stick-on  and placed it on the edge of my computer screen. Number one thing to-do was to blast Fidelis! I was already far gone with my morning routine of making myself a mug of Lipton, when I felt someone's shadow walk past my desk. I looked up and our eyes clicked. Fidelis winked and made a confident attempt at a sexy smile.  I choked on my tea. Of course it was a cheeky gesture coming from him.

"Fidelis, don't try this kind of nonsense next time," I said trying not to raise my voice.His face didn't wipe out the wry smile and instead he just stood still, like he wasn't expecting me to respond in an unfriendly manner. "Don't you know your level? You are a small boy nah. You're not up to twenty five years." I gave a long hiss and  switched to pidgin English, "Water dey fin him level nah!" I yelled, "You're here to clean the office and not chase your boss's bosses!" By now I wanted to explode. My heart was pounding from the anger overload.

"I'm sorry Ma," he said.

"Just get out of my office!"

 The cloak of embarrassment clinched me all over. I had forgotten two junior colleagues shared  the office with me. They kept straight faces fixed at their display screens.  I knew this episode was going to make office gossip headlines like 'Fidelis The Cleaner Woos Madam Aramide' or whatever. I was glad I had dealt with the matter in my own way. Barely three months later, an envelope lay on my desk. The lettering was done in gold and burgundy emboss. It was a beautiful wedding invitation card. My eyes caught sight of Claire John-Stone and Fidelis Nwosisi. Shock flowed through my bone marrow. So Fidelis' love had now graduated to my boss? Was this a case of my boss finding love in strange places? We all knew that Claire had hired Fidelis on a part-time basis as her domestic staff. But what everyone never saw coming, was a wedding planned to hold in two weeks time. I stopped by Claire' s office to congratulate her. My God! Claire's face was red all over; strict boss now turned love-struck cougar. A part of her I'd never seen.

             With this wedding underway, gist began to fly at work that Fidelis passed the nights at Claire's house and most mornings resumed his cleaning job at my office from there. She lived within the complex that shared a fence with our office premises. Soon enough it was no secret that Fidelis was officially her partner. Claire's scaly white skin began to glow and colleagues guessed why. Didn't she know that this gold digger of a Fidelis was marrying her red passport not her? A colleague made these remarks, "Ms. Claire was a single fifty-five year old lady and had never been married. Her pinchomic stature was deceitful about her true age." I didn't utter a word.  I had one regret; I desperately wanted to land a slap on the bloody cleaner's face.

So the wedding day came and I had to attend. It was my boss' wedding remember? Else I wouldn't have bothered. As they exchanged vows in the church somewhere on the outskirts of Ajah, all that came to my mind was, "these whites never cease to amaze me." I said that to myself in  Yoruba. Of course, next thing they were off on a week's honeymoon to London. I could bet my life's earnings that it was Fidelis' first passport document, it was his first time on a plane and it was his first time overseas.
           
Something bigger was actually bugging me; Whenever they got back, was I going to greet Fidelis differently since he was now my boss' husband? I was anxious about getting to the office on Monday. Claire hadn't returned to work which was quite strange.  You can guess the new office gossip headline was, "Fidelis The Cleaner Ditches Ms Claire!"  The rumour was that on arrival at Heathrow Airport, Fidelis went to the loo and never came back to meet Claire on the spot they had been  standing together. Claire sent me an email saying she fell sick and had extended her leave for another week..... (to be continued)*

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